By BECCA OWSLEY

bowsley@thenewsenterprise.com

HARDIN COUNTY — While families gather and celebrations abound, some who have lost a loved one may be hurting and need help to make it through the holidays.

Wanda Dobbins works as a grief counselor with Hosparus, Hospice of Central Kentucky and helps people cope with loss throughout the year.

“Holidays can be especially difficult following the death of someone close,” Dobbins said.

Part of her advice is to do something special to remember your loved one: Make or buy a decoration in his or her memory, request a reading or a song as a dedication at your place of worship, visit a place that was special to you and your loved one, or volunteer to help with a community project in his or her honor.

Lighting a special candle in memory of your loved one is another visible way to deal with grief during the holiday season. Hosparus offers an opportunity for grieving parents to participate in a candle lighting ceremony for this purpose.

Karen Ross, a volunteer facilitator with Severns Valley Baptist Church’s GriefShare program, said it’s important that someone who is grieving allows him or herself to acknowledge the emotions that go along with it and finds a support system.

Ross has experienced the difficulty this time of year can bring. Her mother died in September 2002. Ross is one of 10 children, all of whom were close to their mother.

The closer it got to the holidays, Ross realized previously going through a GriefShare program was what gave her insights to help her through the season. GriefShare is a national program facilitated through individual churches to help people deal with loss. The program helped Ross deal with the loss of her mother, as well as the loss of her father who died when she was a teenager, and of a sibling who died after her mother.

Ross became a volunteer with GriefShare because she wanted to provide that type of help to others. That can include imparting wisdom from time to time, which Ross does openly.

Survivors should know in advance that it is going to be tough but should not feel like they have to deal with it alone, she said. Those who grieve shouldn’t be afraid to be with other people who have had losses. They should know it’s OK to cry and to share your feelings, even years after the loss. And it’s OK not to do as much during the holidays as they might have when their loved one was alive.

“You have to find a new normal,” Ross said. “Stay close to family and still celebrate, but just know that it’s going to be hard.”

When her mother died, Ross’s family had a big dinner and began telling stories about the fun and crazy things their mother did. They turned a time of sadness into a celebration of her life.

“There’s room for just a gamut of emotions — seriousness, crying, laughing — and they are all OK and normal,” Ross said.

People can grieve other types of losses this time of year — loss of a job, end of a relationship, distance between family members.

Cheryl Mitchell, Severns Valley’s director of health ministries who oversees the GriefShare program, said people shouldn’t use clichés such as “time will heal” or “it’s all in God’s hands” with those who are grieving. While there is some truth to those statements, it doesn’t help them feel better

“Grief is a journey, a difficult journey, but you have to go through it because you can’t go around it,” Mitchell said.

Those experiencing grief need to give themselves time to reflect and the entire family can draw support from each other.

“The common denominator is the loneliness that comes with a death,” Mitchell said. “If you don’t go through the journey of grief, every loss you have becomes another layer of grief.”

Becca Owsley can be reached at (270) 505-1741.