Speakers with Spark: Fear, identified and conquered

By SUSAN RIDER

I’m grateful for all the comments I’ve received about our articles. Speakers With Spark was started with the theme from Gandhi, “Be the change you would like to see in the world.”

It seemed everywhere we turned there was negative news. Young people were focusing on the negatives and yet there are so many wonderful positives in this world. The news stations focus on the negative much of the time and it seems good news seldom makes prime time. I’m appreciative we can share some happy, feel-good thoughts on how to make your life more blissful. I’m also appreciative of your ideas, suggestions and desires for other articles. Keep them coming.

Recently I had a conversation with my adorable niece who started high school. She was telling me her stomach was hurting all the time and wasn’t sure why. I asked how long it had been hurting and if she planned on having it checked out. It seems she’s very healthy and the hurting stomach had no physical cause. The pain had been occurring for about a month and a half.

So, we talked about what had changed. The sometimes traumatic start of high school as a freshman, possibly? Brilliant deduction, right? So, we examined the fear involved in this new era of her life. Fear of acceptance, fear of failure, fear of change, fear of not having friends, fear of rejection and fear of the unknown. That’s definitely a lot of fear.

Fear is detrimental to your physical well-being and your future. Fear can make you sick along with its wicked stepsisters, worry and anxiety. Conversations with adults revealed many experience fear and would like some tips on how to abolish it.

The first step is to identify areas of your life that include fear. Is it personal, work, school, church or a social activity? Make a list in each aspect of your life experiencing fear. Realize fear is a normal sensation in life and usually comes with frustration or a threat to our well-being. Fearing danger, for example, is normal. And with many fears, we are in denial.

During a motivational seminar I was conducting, one individual said, “I have a fear of meeting new people and I know it so I don’t care to overcome it.” That’s always your choice. If you have a fear of flights and you never want to fly, no worries, that’s OK, too. But if you have a fear of heights and want to go mountain climbing, you have some work to do.

After compiling your list, rate each fear on a scale of one to 10. Attack the easy ones first and develop a “overcome this fear plan.” Make sure you affirm yourself when successful. As you gain confidence, overcoming the small fears, you will build courage to overcome the larger fears. Relax and take deep breaths, there’s no deadline and each day you become stronger.

Second, acknowledge the worst thing that might happen to you. Then focus on the best thing that could happen. Stay focused on the best, believe in your accomplishment and move forward. An important value of learning is that you are allowing yourself to grow and to become less burdened with a negative in your life. You might want to enlist a buddy to assist you with this effort and discuss the pros and cons of each fear. Keep in mind that your fear might be keeping you from achieving your goals in life, the new position or new status. Know too, that your fear is real and no one can fix it but you.

The first time I accepted a sales position, I remember driving around the block five or more times. Avoiding the inevitable, knowing that I would get rejection, my heart was racing, I felt nauseous. Then finally, I parked and went inside. The appointment didn’t go so bad. Actually, the customer became a lifelong friend. He sensed my fear and was very kind. I look back on that time and realize it was one of the most valuable lessons learned.

If someone told you all is well, how would that make you feel? If you knew you were always going to make the right choices or take the best action, how confident would you feel? Eliminating fear in your life will assist in building the confidence you need to feel this way. Believe in yourself and your gut instincts.

There are many logical reasons to have fear and sometimes it is severe and may cause anxiety attacks. If your fear is severe, seek professional help so you can find peace within.

Susan Rider is Speakers with Spark’s Lead Dynamo. She lives in Upton.