As you can probably imagine, I’m no outdoorsman. You won’t ever find me roughing it in the great outdoors with just a tent and some firewood or hitting the trails on a mountain bike.
But, I do enjoy simply sitting outside on my porch. A bit of sunshine on my skin keeps me sane.
Oh, and I also enjoy doing activities like driving in my car to get groceries without fear of sliding to my doom. Walking outside without feeling like I’m in the Winter Olympics also is nice.
These are a few of my favorite things. And I haven’t been able to pursue them much in recent days.
Whoever made Mother Nature upset needs to apologize and give her an Olive Garden gift card or something. She clearly needs a night out.
I’m already not a fan of cold weather but this cocktail of snow on top of ice on top of sleet on top of ice on top of ice on top of ice is a little over-the-top. On Valentine’s Day – a day designed for relaxation with your romantic partner – I was trying not to drop a $70 bouquet while climbing up my icy driveway like a much-less-cool version of Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant.”
Who decided Valentine’s Day should be in February anyway? I guess nothing says romance like hypothermia.
We Kentuckians just aren’t built for these conditions. The moment we hear about the potential for snow, we rush to the grocery store for our bread, milk, eggs and bourbon and curse Christian Laettner for good measure.
If you’re a transplant from the north, we’re glad to have you, but please know that us native Kentuckians do not particularly enjoy your company during this time of the year. Yes, we know you’ve driven to work in six feet of snow with no issues. Just please go watch a hockey game and let us have our moment of collective panic.
We accept Kentucky’s miserably humid summers and erratic springs so we can avoid the kind of winters our friends to the north enjoy.
That’s why when winter actually does get feisty with us, we remember it for generations. In 2009, our first Black president was inaugurated, Sully safely landed that jet in the Hudson River and there was a Swine Flu pandemic. But the only thing people from around here picture when they think about 2009 is an ice-covered Dixie Highway and the smell of burning kerosene.
Will we remember these recent winter storms like we do the ice storm of 2009? Probably not.
But will I exaggerate how treacherous it was to make my children and grandchildren feel guilty for complaining about cold weather? Of course. It’s the Kentucky way.