Handling the holidays while grieving can be difficult

She said it’s OK not to do something you used to, it’s OK to do something that’s completely different and it’s also OK not to do anything at all.

She offered some advice and activities that Hosparus uses to help those who are grieving during the holidays.

There are special activities you can do to honor the person you have while celebrating the holidays.

• Have old magazines, paper, scissors, and glue, available and invite people to make a collage by cutting out pictures and words that remind them of the person who has died.

• Sing or listen to a person’s favorite music or song together.

• Place a box or basket near the door. As people arrive, ask them to write a memory on a piece of paper about the person and leave it there. Read these memories at some point on your own or as a group.

• Look at or make a book of pictures and memorabilia about the person.

• Make a toast, have a moment of silence or prayer, light a candle in their honor.

• Do a tribute online for them.

• Purchase a book, perhaps a favorite of the person and donate it to a library or school. Place an “In memory of” label in the front cover.

• Play a favorite game together that person who died used to like.

• Have everyone tell a funny or favorite story about the person at the event.

• Have a special table set up and decorated at event with pictures and memorabilia.

• Attend a special service, grief class or workshop together.

• Hang a stocking in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings.

• Plant a tree in their honor.

• Encourage children to draw pictures and create items to give to other family members inspired by their memories of the person.

She said that while continuing a tradition may be important for some, for others it’s important to start new rituals. It’s a balance to know what to do but it’s important to also let others know what you want to do and to get plenty of rest during the holidays because it can be draining when you are grieving.

She said Hosparus recommends some things you can do to help you get through the holidays on your terms.

Socialize with family or friends or on your own. But if you only want to spend half an hour at a gathering, that’s fine too. Music can bring memories, feel free to listen to as usual, turn it off or allow yourself to listen and cry if you feel sad.

Decide who you want to talk to and if you want to talk about that person or discuss memories.

If you usually host the event, don’t forget to ask for help, keep things to the same or ask if it can be held somewhere else instead. Or, even go out of town if you feel you need to.

Don’t feel you need to have the event at the same time you always do.

Also, consider what you want to do about certain traditions like greeting cards, Christmas baking, shopping, decorations and gift giving. You may feel like doing the same thing as usual, but if not, make new traditions or choose to skip those activities completely.

If you typically attend a religious service, continue to do so if you feel like it or go somewhere else for a change. It’s also OK to choose to spend time alone instead.

Don’t be afraid to ask people to eat out or bring food instead of trying to do it all yourself.

And, transport yourself to the events and park where you can get out easily so if you feel uncomfortable you can leave. If you don’t feel like driving, ask someone else to drive.

Friestrom also offered some of Hosparus’ advice for self-care during the holidays.

These are things like being aware of expectations, sharing grief, preparing yourself for interactions with others and what you choose to do or not do during the holidays, remembering that grieving is a constant and total body process and you need to take a break, rest or distract yourself and, when you are ready, honor commitments by taking part of things that can help you reestablish a sense of routine and normalcy while having a social network of support.

Becca Owsley can be reached at 270-505-1416 bowsley@thenewsenterprise.com.